Never in a million years…

did I think my Samson would ever learn to trust a child again.

Sam learned to distrust children at a very young age and has even snapped at a few children since.  There’s no need to re-hash the reason, suffice it to say my ex-husband let his grandchildren treat Sam any way they wanted to (when I wasn’t around), thus scarring him for life – or so I thought.

Enter Lily, my 14 month old niece.  Sam did not like her when she was crawling and would growl and run from her.  We had to keep a constant eye on him.  Now Lily is walking and we have taught her how to feed the dogs (open handed so they don’t bite her fingers) and Sam seems to be the one who is now trusting a child again.  He follows her everywhere in hopes of food as she is ALWAYS eating, laugh.  Sam has learned she will feed him and he, at 11 years old, has learned to trust again.  He will let her touch his tail, his back, and I stop it there.  I still don’t want to take the chance of him of him having an off day and bite her, for he is unpredictable in his old age.

Now if my ‘son’ can learn to trust children again after being abused, why can’t I learn to trust men again?  What is my major malfunction?

In deep thought….

“Grace for the Good Girl” part 2

Ok, so chapters 4, 5 and 6 are finished…and below are the responses I posted to our group.

Again, I add, please no judging, or calling the cops; otherwise, I’ll keep the responses on the closed group. I hope my responses will help someone who comes across my blog and reads it and knows they are not alone in their feelings.

There were 3 questions asked, but I only answered the first two because I didn’t feel a response for the third question, yet I’m listing it and leaving it blank.  Maybe someone will see it, and find they need to find their answer to the question.  Again, these are my responses, what would your response be – after reading the book of course?

‎1. What is your main reason for hiding behind your fake fine? Is it because you are afraid (what will they think of me!), lazy (it takes too much work and I need a nap and a bowl of ice cream), or something else?

Response: I hide behind my fake fine because I don’t want people to think I’m mental and need to be committed, smile. It’s the truth though. People really don’t want to know what I’m thinking or feeling, at least those I work with and know. Now there are a few people I can trust with my thoughts, but in the back of my head that little voice is always saying be careful, don’t tell too much. I hate that little voice. Sometimes I want to get on the tallest building I can find, and get the strongest PA system I can find and with a microphone tell the world what is going on in my head. I want to know I’m not alone in my thoughts. I want people to sincerely listen, to sincerely care, and not be complacent with a fake fine from me. (Wow that took a lot of energy to write, laugh.)

2. In what ways do you resonate with Martha’s good girl ways?

Response: I’m all about getting things done that I don’t stop long enough to smell the roses and Jesus was the rose in the room and Martha just kept right on working on the physical things in her surroundings, never once stopping to take into account the spiritual being sitting in her living room! Most of the time, I’m too busy with other things to stop and realize I need that spiritual touch from God. When I do stop, it’s usually way past time and I feel so guilty that I don’t feel like I deserve anything He’s giving/offering me.

‎3. Has your idea of the spiritual disciplines and the purpose of the law shifted in reading chapter six? If so, in what ways?

I may return to expound on these responses, but for now this is where I am….

In prayer….

My birthday party

My sister begged me to let her throw me a birthday party. Mind you I’m not the socializing kind. We had all my immediate family, an adopted sister, and Barbara and Lexee, now graphed in as family.

We all gathered at Mack’s on the River, I had my own princess hat I wore all evening, and ate more than was allowed by law, I’m sure. Then we had cupcakes my sister made for me, and we opened gifts.

Now none of this was embarassing until the staff headed our way singing. I could’ve crawled under the table. At least my sister had mercy and didn’t tell them my age.

I missed those whom we had invited but were unable to join us, for whatever reason. I really missed my ISSS ladies. They are more like family than co-workers.

This was my first birthday party EVER and my baby sister did pretty good!

I’ll post pix later, as I have to wait for everyone to send me theirs because I didn’t take any pix, I was too busy socializing! Lol.

Namaste!

“Grace for the Good Girl” part 1

Ok, so as if I have nothing on my plate, I joined a ‘book club’ and we are reading Grace for the Good Girl by Emily P. Freeman.

We are ‘assigned’ chapters to read and meditate on and then we meet up on a closed group on FB and discuss the book.  Emily is doing the leading in the online group discussion, so we have someone keep us on track.  The book club for this book will last 8 weeks, beginning today, as we ‘meet’ every Thursday.

I will not give away anything in the book, only to say every woman needs to read it.  I downloaded it on my Kindle and have been glued to it, trying hard not to get ahead of the group.

I will tell you one thing, it’s hard reading the words on the page and knowing God is pointing His graceful finger along the way.

I will blog about it after our ‘meeting’ and do my best to reflect without giving anything away, see above statement.

For now, let’s just say, I’m trying to come out of hiding, trying to find those different masks of life I wear and take them off, so the world knows me as God knows me.

In prayer….