The Love of My Life

 A Tribute to Samson [9 June 2001-14 February 2013]

25 February 2014

A Facebook friend of mine, Mr. Moses, is dying. His vet told his parents to make a list of the things Mr. Moses loves to do. Then start marking them off as he is unable to do them. When all the items are marked off, it’s Mr. Moses’ way of saying he’s ready. I never looked at it that way before.

My Samson had a lot of things he loved to do, and in the weeks before he died, I could’ve marked them all off, but didn’t, I was selfish. Mr. Moses’ vet has made me heal more in the last few days then anything I’ve tried.

Mr. Moses will be missed by his parents, but they should know, he has helped me let go of my guilt of having to put my Sam down. Rock on Mr. Moses!

19 February 2014

You’ve been gone a year, and still my heart aches for you. I miss how you winked at me, you were such a fast learner. I miss playing fetch. I still haven’t picked up your toys. I don’t have the heart, still. I picked up Tigger, Pooh, and Piglet and have them on the bed. I still haven’t washed them. I not sure why not. I suppose I’m afraid I’ll lose another reminder of you. I find that I have to will myself not to cry for you. I know you are gone for good, but still, if only there was a way, I’d find it and bring you back to me.

Chuey  you left me with no one to care for me. Maebelle loves me, but she is no nurse-maid, not like you were. And she could care less when I try to tell her about my day and the hills and valleys I’ve walked through that day. I miss you waking me up sounding like Darthvader wanting off the bed, or wanting up. I miss sharing my yogurt with you – I’ve stopped eating it altogether.

I just miss you Sam and don’t know how to stop. I know I don’t want to stop missing you, but at some point I have to find a way to let you go and move on, and stop waiting for you to come back to me.

31 July 2013

First and never last, Samson ‘Chuey’ Ravencraft. My heart was left voided when Samson’s heart valve suddenly burst. Thankfully he was at the vet, my vet called me and I left work in an all out fit. I arrived to find him in a room, his tongue was blue from lack of oxygen and his tail wagging. He was stressed because I was stressed, and growled at my sister, protecting me even as he was dying. My vet is the best ever, and he never missed a beat. He gave me a few minutes with Sam, I called him back in as I couldn’t stand him suffering. He gave him some happy medicine and it made him stop gasping for air, he laid his head down, looked at me and closed his eyes. Doc Chip didn’t get the chance to shave him for the lethal injection, and he gave him just a bit and Sam was gone. My life hasn’t been the same since. A huge hole has been left in my heart, one that I can’t seem to fill. Only time will…I hope.

I remember well the day I went to pick up Samson. It was August 2001, it was hot, humid, and I was elated. My best friend had called and said her step-mom’s tea-cup had puppies and she had to take the pups (all 4 boys!) off of Lady Rose because they were killing her. I drove as fast as I could after work, not realizing that Samson (he had to have a big name, all of this brothers were named Bubba, Hercules and Rocky) would save my life on more than one occasion, literally. And people wonder why I was so emotionally and spiritually attached to him.

I took him home, my husband, at the time, thought he was cute, and extremely small. Samson would later become a contention within the marriage. I had not been married quiet 2 years when things went horribly wrong between me and my now ex-husband. I tried all means of helping to fix our marriage but I failed. My ex-husband always said I loved ‘that dog’ more than I loved him. It wasn’t true, but it was something for him to use to hurt me with, and hurt it did. I’ll not bore you with the details, as those are between my ex, me, Samson and God. Suffice it to say that when I finally left my ex, I went back to my parents. It was only for a while, as I let them and Samson bond because I was hurt, tired, struggling, and was going to stop the pain once and for all. If I had not had Samson, I wouldn’t have returned home, and I would probably be dead. My mother, God love her, recognized the signs and made me get help. [I didn’t tell anyone, I went on with life as if things were normal, but Momma knew. How, I don’t know, but she did.]

Samson 1, Death 0

Let me back up just a minute, I brought Samson home in August 2001, and I left my husband in October 2001. Two months, 2 months was how close I was to dying. Anyway….

Life went on, and a few more times I thought about ending it, so tired of struggling against the stream. Samson would always know when I was at that point, and he would always pull me out. Don’t ask me how, I couldn’t tell you.

Samson 3, Death 0

No man on this Earth will ever be able to convince me that Samson wasn’t sent to me by God. Samson was my angel, here on Earth. My home doesn’t seem like a home without him, but then again, this Earth isn’t my final home. I’m not supposed to be comfortable here. Heaven is my final destination. Heaven, where my family and loved ones have gone before me. Heaven, where Samson sits at the gate and patiently waits for his momma to come Home.

UPDATE [5Aug13]
I finally got around to having Samson permanently with me….

In memory of Samson. [4 August 2013]